This Advent season Rev. Allison has asked for four reflections that encompass the theme of “Peace” for this Advent season. This is the first of those reflections. This one from Mindy Saunders.
A Reflection on Experiencing God’s Peace Following a Hard Decision
As we begin Advent and remember Mary being asked by the angel Gabriel if she would be the mother of God’s Son, we can try to think of times when we also have faced tough decisions and sought God’s signs to help us. Here is a short reflection by Mindy Saunders of St. Stephen’s 5pm worship service and the profound peace she discovered.
God has watched over me even when I’m blinded by love, greed, ambition or any combination of emotions that block me from my heavenly Father’s guidance. I’m reminded of a time when my self-inflicted pain was brought about by a desire to leave my job simply because it had changed slightly. It just wasn’t what J wanted.
I moved from Grand Junction, Colorado to Palm Springs, Calif. It seemed like an upward move to me and yet, it was (l learned months later) based on greed and a desire to be able to put a family back together that had been torn apart by alcoholism and addiction years prior. I thought anything possible with sobriety.
Despite the larger house, Palm Springs was not a good fit, the relationship wasn’t honest on either side. I wrote, swam, bicycled, walked our dogs, went to meetings and stayed busy, but that is not enough when deep down you despise walking on eggshells and never knowing what is going on.
I had sobered up several years prior to this and my ex-husband still drank (but only beer and in his mind could not be alcoholic). The fights began subtly and small but grew daily until there was a constant undercurrent of distrust.
Month after month, whether in Palm Springs or our summer in the high country, the tension was palpable until FINALLY I resorted to prayer and was led to a counselor who told me that if I thought I should leave, I should leave.
“What,” I whined, “do I do for money? I only clear about $500 a month on my rentals.”
“You have a degree in Journalism, don’t you?” he” asked. “You got a job 6 years ago and you can do it again,” he said. “Of course, you can also continue doing what you’re doing.”
I left his office that day and realized it was time to pray harder. I did. I prayed as I walked, drove, did dishes, whatever I was doing. I prayed for God to give me a sign. I wanted, like Gideon in the Old Testament, to find a damp blanket the next morning.
I continued in this fashion, absolutely hating the life I was living and hating my ex-husband and hating Palm Springs and praying for a sign.
One night I got my sign, not in the form of a damp blanket, but in the form of an ultimatum. Bob said, “We can’t go on like this, you — reading the *&$%@ Bible till you fall asleep.”
He had actually cursed the Bible.
I replied, “No and I’m packed ready to go.”
The next morning, I called Mayflower and they brought boxes and even said they would hold on to those boxes till I had a place for them.
That decision made, there were only the physical aspects of the move to worry about. As my car was small, one suitcase had to be adequate for me and that left room for Duke, my Doberman and his food. I loaded up my car on that morning and Bob’s dachshund plastered himself on an ottoman, his ears hanging dejectedly, his eyes, somber and sad. I’ve never seen anything more sad. I steeled myself and told him ‘goodbye Fritzy.”
Duke and I hopped in the car and headed east. I cried over leaving Fritz all the way to Baker where I joined I-10 and amazingly, as I got on that highway, I felt a peace. The words of an old gospel hymn came rushing at me and I could almost see the choir led by a woman with ugly black shoes and an angelic voice, “When peace like a river invadeth my soul.” Those aren’t the right words but the peace like a river was what a felt and I sensed the hands of God rather than four rubber tires beneath me.
I had no idea what I would do or where I would live, but I knew God would be helping me and I was OK. I was at peace.
Epilogue: Forty years have passed, and I’ve experienced God’s presence many times, but this was the most profound.
Mindy Saunders, November 2020
Reflection Question: When have you struggled with a hard decision, wondering what the right thing to do would be, and felt God’s peace once that decision was made?